Better to have loved and lost, than to have not loved at all..

I was sitting in the clinic today. This old lady came in with a history of weight loss. Her GP was worried for her because she was losing weight due to poor appetite. She came in looking quite frail with a walking stick but still managed to be rather independent. Her GP also stated that he was aware that she was still in bereavement for her husband who had just passed away late last year. The consultant asked her if she was coping well. She said she was still trying to cope, although better, she occassionally still dips into depression. When the consultant tried telling her that it is a normal process when you lose somebody you love. She told him that she had a happy 45 years of marriage and that she missed him a lot. She almost broke into tears and I was there feeling so touched but yet could not offer anything. I wanted to hold her hands to let her know that it was alright to feel that way, but how would I know. I have not loved someone that long. 45 years... That is a very long time and no matter how hard I try to imagine how hard it would be, I do not think I would come close unless I experience it myself. She regained herself after a while and tried to compose herself for the remainder of the consultation. I drifted off the second half of the consultation. I thought to myself. Was she unlucky that she lost her husband? Or should she be considered lucky to have been able to experience 45 good years with somebody she loves rather than not be able to find someone at all? What about those who are in search of that "someone" and never succeeded. Just a thought to ponder. Let me know what you all think :P Anyway, I wish her well...

Tribute to a friend....

Although I do not personally know you, it is really sad to hear someone go through what you did. I heard you were strong and I hope you will keep on fighting this battle and maybe one day there will be a miracle. I wish I could help but I am inadequate in every way compared to you. You are already a doctor so you must be a lot smarter than I am. However, I will do what I can. I will pray for you every night and hopefully, just hopefully you will be better one day. Even if what is left is just a short time to live, be strong and appreciate everything that is in front of you. All the best to you, friend.

Success using Ophthalmoscope

Oh.. Another thing... I know this is quite a shock for many but after 4 years of medicine, I finally got to see the optic disc using OPHTHALMOSCOPE!!! How cool is that?? I was so excited and told everyone when I got back... Everyone ( and I mean everyone), gave me a puzzled look and blink a couple of times before they ask, ' You mean, you have not seen it before?'. Hihihih.... Well, I have always tried really hard to see the back of the eye, following every instruction that was given in IMU( follow the blood vesels and they will direct you to the optic disc). But every attempt seemed futile.. Sob..Sob... Anyway, regardless of how silly this sounds, I felt that this was the biggest achievement I have had in my career of medicine... Hooray!!!

Scotia Court...

Staying in a portable cabin, "The Scotia Court" in Inverness is one of the best things, if not the best, that happened to me since I came to Aberdeen. The previous entry is all the random pictures during my stay at the cabin. I am glad that I met such great people there. Thank you so much, Scotians....

There is so much to tell about my days in Scotia.. I will write it down in point form...

1. We played games almost every night. Started off with mini-mini table tennis , then we played card games ( wist, cho dai dee ( we made the Caucasians learn this game... ), heart attack, shit head, and speed )Settlers of Catan, foosball ( thanks to Toby) and a lot more

2. I learnt how to bake from Sarah ( thanks Sarah). Well, people who know me know well enough that I can't bake. The last time I tried baking a chocolate cake with my sis, we ended up with chocolate 'kuih'. Surprisingly, under strict supervision by my friend Sarah, I got to bake quite a nice choc cake. The evidence is in friendster...:P I also helped her bake a carrot cake and brownies. I know it's not much ler... but for me, it's a lot k?? I think I deserve a round of applause...hahahaha

3. 32 of us share 5 shower places. I stay in the East wing and the girls are suppose to shower in the West wing. Being the lazy me, I decided to shower in the guys bathroom. Obviously when the guys saw me walking into their bathroom, they started being doubtful as to whether I was a girl or a guy. Hence there was a song made for specially for me. It is really nice because there was a main vocalist, some of the guys were playing guitar and some were the back up singers. It went something like this.

Yi Wei is a man,
manly man, manly man (background singers)
It's all that she can be
manly man, manly man (background singers)
I say that SERIOUSLY
seriously (background singers)

Hahahahah....By the way, the SERIOUSLY part, is because I always use that word. I am sure everyone knows me and my limited vocabulary has forced me to be quite repetitive.

4. We played futsal and I was the defender. Apparently I did quite a good job. Well, the best part is that we had so much fun. Our team was called Black Panthers and we won the game. We had a great striker, Aisyah, who claimed that this was her second time playing. She is smaller than me and so agile that no one seems to be able to keep up with her. She was just so.... phenomenal!!! Hey, when I think about it, I miss playing futsal in IMU... you girls are the best ler... hihihi... the Malakings... and also the M203 team!!!


5. I played minimini table tennis and got kicked out quite early in the tournament. Managed to bring the semi- finalist to a deuce though. So let's blame it on the fact that I was put against a very good player rather than me being quite shitty in that game.

Studying in Inverness

1. The ophthalmologist told me some random things about macula and I was like ' Oh, I see'. I wanted to show that I know something, so I went on and ask him if that condition he mentioned was like ' macula hole'? ( I just saw that word on the book the other day). Then he said, ' No, that is totally different' . I showed a look of disappointment and the nice consultant told me this, ' Don't worry. Ophthalmology is very difficult. That's why it's only for smart people'. Hihihiih....Zha dou....

2. I made a presentation on ophthalmology. The title at the start of the presentation was Opthalmology Case Study. Then the consultant stopped me politely, ummm... well, just to let you know, the ophthalmology is spelt wrongly. Hihiihihi... However, during the feedback session, he said that the presentation was one of the best he had seen for a long time... hahaha... bangga bangga...

3. Did neurology and the neurologist said that I should become a neurologist... Interesting... Had thought about it before but I think it is too difficult a course for a simple minded person like me... hey wait... I am not simple minded ler... can be quite complicated also... hmmm... Come to think about it, I find this quite interesting. My friend, Yinni is convinced that I have multi-infarct dementia.. Hahahaha... I think it might be quite true too... I usually cannot seem to remember things that I did 2 days ago. I find it really hard to retrieve what was done or who I was with. Always mix things up, and I think I confabulate as well. Not that I am trying to make up stories. It is just that I thought it was true, but apprently I was told that it had never happened before. Weird... Another smart friend of mine, Sufian the Skiver told me that I must have got mixed up between reality and my dream.. Sounds quite profound... Esp. when you said it, Sufian... ahahaha...
Good stuff, Good stuff... Sorry, got side tracked....


4. During the endocrinology block, a specialist registrar gave us a tutorial on thyroid diseases. He asked questions and as usual, I am quiet in class. He prompted me to answer, I gave a him a blank look and then answered him in a lazy manner. Not because I was trying to be rude. It is just becasue I was really tired and it was in the evening. Anyway, I did ask him a couple of questions at the end of his class and he commented that I was finally awake. But only at the end of the class. No climax to the story right?? ahahha... haven't finished ler... anyway, the next day, Sam and Rama ( a very sweet girl) went for his clinic and sat in during his consultation. He asked them questions and they kept quiet. Then he went on.. ' Come on, say something. Don't tell me you all have Yee Wee syndrome also... Hahahaha... It was extremely hilarious... I remember my friend Collin, said I spread yiweitis around... Not realy sure what he meant... Or actually, I forgot.. But who knows,, maybe I'll come up with a constellation of signs and symptoms one day and I'll call them the YiWei Syndrome!!! That's just a thought!! hahaha... Oh, I forgot about the main point. I AM NOT QUIET!!!! AHaahahaha,,, It doesn't take a genius to find out...hahahahha
:P

I'll stop for now... more updates in the future

Also, do forgive me if I made any grammatical errors. Feel free to correct me..

Inverness and CNY 2007

 

 

 

 

Late entries....

Thursday 23rd January


It was a boring morning in the hospice until I began to follow a doctor doing her rounds. Two patients that I had seen last week had passed away. I was not at all surprised because earlier on the doctors had discussed their cases and had predicted that they did not have long time to live. However, on a brighter note, a patient complimented the team because she had not felt better than she had today ever since she was diagnosed with sacral plexopathy. When I saw her today, she was about to get 2 units of blood transfusion and she had to lie on her side because of her condition. Even so, she still managed a weak smile. She held my hand as the doctor set up an IV access. She told me things that I found rather peculiar for a person to say to an acquaintance. She told me that I am blessed and worth a lot more than I think I am. She went on to say that my mum is definitely missing me now and that I should let her know that I am very blessed here. It was so sweet that it almost brought tears to my eyes. The timing was absolutely perfect… it fitted in so well because it was only recently that I felt that I was not worth much….This meant so much to me…. Thank you so much….

Night
Shalini and I were in Hui Sian’s room chattering away when the fire alarm went off. Everyone in Scotia Court stopped whatever they were doing and we all went out of our wee (small) box. Some walked out unprepared with their socks on only, some with their night slippers and some without jackets. Bear in mind that it is winter now and that the road was wet due to melted snow. Some took their own sweet time to get properly dressed before going out (that is me!!!). We waited for 5 minutes and there was no fire team seen. Two of our friends ( Nazeer and Ruth) went to ask someone what should we do. So this was how the conversation went;

Medical Student: Our fire alarm went off
Mr. A : Where is it?
Medical Student: Scotia Court
Mr. A : Where is that? I have not heard of it before. I do not think it exists
Medical Student: Well, obviously it does. That is where we stay. It is a portable cabin
Mr. A : Oh, I see. Just hold on. I’ll send the fire team in

15 minutes passed

Eeeee…oooo….eeee…ooo…. (Sounds of the fire engine??). It got louder and then got softer for a few times indicating that they must have got lost

Finally 2 fire engines came. Firemen went to each room to check if something had set off the alarm. Nothing was found. So, after all this searching was finished,we all went back to our rooms….. Quite an interesting experience I would say….




Mrs. Tatiana Novikova

In my 7 years as a gymnast, my ballet teacher Mrs. Tatiana Novikova was the only one who had faith in me, that I would succeed one day. I dreamt of her yesterday. It was so vivid that it actually felt like it had happened. However, I was unable to remember every detail of the dream. All I know was that she was showing concern when I had gone missing. I really do not know what to make of the dream but it definitely took me back to the past.
I remember being the shortest gymnast in the Malaysian team. There were 20 of us and when we were lined up, I would always be at the far end. A few coaches and judges had doubted my abilities and had always used the height factor as a reason as to why I should not be kept in the team.
I trained hard and was thankful that you were there, Mrs. Tatiana.
Thank you for fighting for me to be kept in the team.
Thank you for having faith in me when everyone turned their back on me.
Thank you for teaching me how to prolong my lines
Thank you for teaching me the best ballet that I could ever have had
Thank you for loving me as much as you did.
Thank you for showing me how I should live my life
I sent you letters but there was no reply. I heard that you had moved. I tried very hard to get your address but all effort was futile. I can only hope that you did not think that I had forgotten you because I have not
I believe you will be proud of who I am today. Though I still walk funnily I finally understood what you had been trying to tell me long ago when I was still young. You said that when I gain maturity, I would be able to feel my body when it moves a lot better and that only then would I will be able to be more expressive in my dance.…. I can now understand that statement…Thank you very much…
I just cannot thank you enough…
Love you so much….